We can go ahead and set the "Days Since Last Incident" board back to "0" after a few solid weeks of clean wholesome living went by the wayside last Thursday. Apparently a few of the boys at work noticed that I hadn't chronicled any of our mishaps lately and decided to do something about it. This one will require some scene setting.
About once a quarter, we as a company decide to go out and get collectively bombed. We like to call it "Team Building" which has a way more positive ring to it than "High Functioning Alcoholism." We intentionally space these events three months apart so we have time to forget what a bad idea they are. That way we can roll into them with clear eyes and full hearts.
This particular outing started with an open bar at noon which is late for a group that is often ankle deep in Bloody Marys by 9:00 a.m. In an effort to project maturity and responsibility (or something), I did not partake in the afternoon booze session. Frankly, I was in a mood that drinking would've enhanced . . . in the wrong direction.
At 4:00 p.m., however, I started making-up for lost time and an hour later I boarded a van with about twenty of my coworkers, many of whom had a four hour head start on me. The first stop was a restaurant to fuel-up on ribs and an array of random foods that had been run through a deep fryer. We had a few beers and some shots because no deep-fried dinner would be complete without vodka. What better way to celebrate our burgeoning Russian alliance.
The next stop was one of those crafty cocktail bars with three hundred different kinds of whisky and beers made in someone's basement. Suffice it to say I wasn't running the tour . . . yet. Someone ordered me a stout which tasted like motor oil drained through a dirty sock so I took one sip, abandoned it and dedicated myself to moving the party somewhere fun.
Thirty minutes later I was leading a bunch of drunks through a downpour looking for the right spot which was tricky because we didn't know if we were looking for a place to dance or fight (foreshadowing alert). The bar we finally settled on had the two classic bouncers. The tall lanky one who was chill and the beady eyed stocky one who was definitely not chill. The feeling of inevitability was palpable.
Fortunately they had a jukebox. One minute we were singing along to Home by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes and then it devolved into Let Me Clear My Throat by DJ Kool. At this point it's worth noting that I am not the HR Director for this company. I'm just that person's boss.
The clock was winding down and it actually looked like we were going to make it out mostly unscathed other than a few slip and falls. There was nothing left to do but round everyone up, pay the tab and and head back to the van.
I don't know exactly how the ruckus started but I was at the front of the bar near the lanky bouncer when it happened. Suddenly a mass of angry humanity began moving toward us and the hostile bouncer was doing everything Patrick Swayze said not to do. By the time he got to me, I may have suggested that he relax as we were leaving anyway at which point he decided to smack the drink out of my hand. I felt that was rude and took exception.
The next few minutes were a little heated as I pretended to want to fight the bouncer while two of my coworkers drove me out the door. If the bruises on my arms are any indication, I offered some resistance. Eventually everyone made it back to the van for a ride to the hotel that either no one can remember or no one wants to.
In hindsight my only regret from the entire experience is that, as we all sat quietly digesting what had just occurred, I didn't cue-up Tiny Dancer and start a sing along. Simply a huge missed team building opportunity.
There will be no Historical Performance Chart this week due to the lingering effects of Thursday and the fact that it wouldn't tell you much more than Scottie Scheffler, Tony Finau and Aaron Rai would be the best picks based on their glowing track records. Jason Day and Alex Smalley have also had some decent showings. FanDuel does a nice fact sheet and, to prove I ain't scared of the competition, you can find it here.
To say that this has been a lackluster start to 2025 would be an understatement. We typically say that the season doesn't start until The Players but let's be honest, the season doesn't REALLY start until the Masters. We don't intend for the turnaround to take that long but it never hurts to build-in a little cushion.
|
Place |
Player |
Odds |
|
Winner |
Aaron Rai |
+2800 |
|
Top 5 |
Tony Finau |
+550 |
|
Top 10 |
Thomas Detry |
+400 |
|
Top 10 |
Jake Knapp |
+550 |
|
Top 20 |
Matthew McCarty |
+350 |
One and Done Pick: Aaron Rai
 |
| "The name is Rai . . . Aaron Rai." (He's British). |
Other Guy I'd Pick: Tony Finau
Sleeper Pick: Matthew McCarty
DraftKings Top Ten Values
|
Scottie Scheffler |
$12,700 |
|
Aaron Rai |
$9,800 |
|
Davis Thompson |
$9,400 |
|
Tony Finau |
$9,200 |
|
Thomas Detry |
$8,600 |
|
Alex Smalley |
$8,200 |
|
Jake Knapp |
$7,700 |
|
Davis Riley |
$7,400 |
|
Victor Perez |
$7,100 |
|
Matthew McCarty |
$7,000 |
Email the Fantasy Golf Report here.
